24-Hour Theatre is just what it sounds like. At 5 p.m. on Friday, everyone gets together to meet their group, composed of a writer, director, and actors. The writer is given something to use as inspiration, and they are all dismissed. The script is due at 6 a.m. Saturday, and after that, the 10-minute play goes onstage at 7:30 p.m. (because that first meeting is kind of long, and also, because I guess it really is longer than 24 hours, strictly speaking).
The theme for all these inspirational items this semester was "travel food." I was given fruit snacks. There is little, if anything, inspirational about fruit snacks. Usually, items don't provide inspiration for me, anyway. I went online and looked up the history of fruit snacks, and it's from that that I found the concept for my play; there was a website that said fruit snacks were created when a Mr. Rupert Snacks invented them in an effort to move toward a plant-free world. I admit much skepticism to the accuracy of this, especially since the guy's last name was "snacks," but I decided it was an interesting concept that I wanted to work with anyway.
When I came to the 6 a.m. meeting, I had with me the script and the tools and ingredients necessary to perform my experiment. I gave them to my group, hung around until I was sure they had no questions for me, then went back to bed for a morning nap.
In total, there were six of these mini-plays. I actually had two directors, though I'm not sure why, and they decided against doing my experiment. I was disappointed about that, especially since I had included enough ingredients to do the experiment twice, once in practice and once onstage. I even gave them a cookie sheet so they wouldn't make a mess. I'm under the assumption that they thought me juvenile, an idea that comes from the reaction I got from one of the directors when she found out I had brought them the stuff to actually do the experiment and had tested it in my kitchen sink. She said something like, "Oh, how cute." To be honest, I'm still a bit upset about it. I'm not used to not being taken seriously. I included the experiment because it fit in the story and because I thought it would be a cool addition to the show. I'm mostly upset that they didn't even try it. If they had tried it and decided it wasn't a good idea, that would have been okay. But they did not even do that little. Grrrr.
They also cut down my script, but I am chalking that up to time constraints. It was supposed to be 10 to 15 minutes, and it was around the 15 mark. The performance was just under 10 minutes. It still made sense, so I'm not upset by that at all.
Here's a video of the performance! I hope you like it, though you're going to have to excuse the shaking. My hands have never been steady. I'm also going to copy and paste a portion of the script here. I was going for comedy, obviously, which is not usually my strong point. I can put funny in something, but for something to be purely funny is not my strength. Practice makes perfect, though. I chose a comedy because there wasn't time for anything else, really. The play is called "A Plant-Free World."
Scene: Hal
Fletcher is incredulously reading a document.
As he reads,
its contents are recited for the audience
by Dr. Morgan
and Dr. Coeden.
Dr.
Morgan:
Fact: Plants can turn people into zombies. Look up “Colombian
Devil’s Breath” for details.
Dr.
Coeden:
Fact: A tree at Southern Utah University attacked
the South Hall roof just this past October.
Morgan:
Fact: Plants are known assassins. Hemlock killed
Socrates, White Snakeroot killed Abraham Lincoln’s mother when he was only nine
years old, and there is a man-eating plant called Audrey 2 out there somewhere.
Coeden:
Fact: Every year, 68,847 people are killed by
plants. On average, animals in the United States only kill 200 per year, total.
Morgan:
Fact: Even God doesn’t like plants. He cursed Cain
for so much as offering Him some.
Coeden:
Fact: Peaceful plants take a lot of time, energy,
and money to maintain.
Morgan:
Conclusion: We must eradicate all plants on Earth
for the good of not
only the human race, but for the planet itself.
Signed, Dr. Dylan Morgan, Ph.D.
Coeden:
and Dr. Robert Coeden, Ph.D.
Fletcher puts
paper down and
makes a phone
call. Coeden answers.
Coeden:
Fletcher?
Fletcher:
So let me get this straight. Because plants attack
buildings, take up time and money, are serial killers and may cause a zombie
apocalypse, you want me to join the team and help annihilate all of the plants
in the entire world?
Morgan:
(Grabs phone) Exactly.
And the best part is that God won’t kill us for doing it, since He’s on our
side.
Coeden:
(Wrestles
phone back from Morgan) Yes, we’d like your help. You ARE a plant expert,
after all!
Fletcher:
Dr. Coeden, I’m a GARDENER at the building where you
and Dr. Morgan work! I can’t help you get rid of plants! Plants are how I make
my living!
Coeden:
(To
Morgan) He’s really excited about helping us, Dr. Morgan. Why don’t
you go … do some more research.
Morgan pulls
out his phone
and starts
looking things up.
Coeden:
Fletcher, I need you up here. Ever since Dr. Morgan
almost blew up our fume hood, I can’t concentrate without someone here to help keep
an eye on him. Come up here, and we’ll talk about it, okay? (Silence) All right, I’ll pay you. Just
get over here.
Fletcher:
How much?
Coeden:
We’ll talk about it when you are here! (Hangs up)
Fletcher:
I’m not a babysitter, and this isn’t an old folks’
home. It’s a university, for crying out loud!
Fletcher grudgingly
joins
Coeden and
Morgan. He tries to
talk to Coeden,
but Morgan interrupts.
Morgan:
All right, men. I’ve been thinking this over
carefully, and I have determined we need to go about this scientifically, using
the scientific method to figure out a safe, humane way to get rid of every
plant species on the planet without killing anyone. First, we must ask a
question.
Fletcher:
What?
Morgan:
No, that question is too broad.
Coeden:
I’ve got one: How do we kill all the
plants without killing any people?
Morgan:
I think you have gotten to the heart of
the matter.
Coeden:
The scientific method is something I pride
myself on, Dr. Morgan. I teach it to my students.
Morgan:
Our next step is to do background
research. Let’s get started.
The two
scientists begin to inspect the
background
scenery of the stage/scene
Coeden
following Morgan’s lead in this
and also
moving so as to avoid Fletcher,
who is trying
to corner him.
Morgan:
Now, enough of that. I think we have inspected the
background thoroughly. We must now construct a hypothesis.
Fletcher:
(Sarcastically)
I hypothesize that if we collect all of humanity and the animals into a
single location that contains no plants, such as this room we are standing in, and
then start a wildfire, we will be able to destroy every plant in the whole
bloomin’ world.
Morgan:
Ah, but my dear Fletcher, you have not accounted for
the nasty plant habit of springing up out of ashes like deadly green phoenixes.
I suggest we search the Internet.
Coeden:
I concur.
Morgan pulls
out his phone
to search the
Internet.
Morgan:
Google Search, “How best to kill plants.” (Searches, clears throat) First result. “Best way to kill an entire garden of
plants? Chemicals, mixture, solutions.” Let’s see what they say. “Napalm.”
Coeden:
Excellent suggestion! Our budget won’t
cover that. (Looks skittishly at
Fletcher, who gives him a
scathing look.)
Morgan:
Then I shall try another link. “How to Kill a
Plant.” No, that won’t do. There’s too much to read. Ain’t nobody got no time
for that, as the young people say. How about, “A Quick Way to Kill Plants.”
This happy old woman in overalls and a sun hat says spraying a plant with
herbicide will quickly kill it.
Morgan puts
his phone away.
No comments:
Post a Comment