Anna Karenina - Rewrite!

I thought it might be fun to rewrite scenes from stories, using my own words, to see the differences. Since I just began reading Anna Karenina, I chose the beginning of that book as my first attempt. But when I thought about how to write it, my mind immediately turned to a script instead of straight prose. So that is what I give you: Elizabeth Thomas's Anna Karenina, Scenes 1 and 2. Please note that I changed the names and took other artistic liberties. The plot remains the same (so far as I can tell, but I haven't read the whole book so maybe I am wrong).

Scene I

Scene: A family dining room set with a table and a large number of chairs. A painting by Andy Warhol decorates one wall along with a handsome grandfather clock and a window overlooking the street, which is of the crowded townhouse variety.

Enter Travis, stage right. He is dressed in a suit, with the coat slung over his shoulder jauntily, and his hair has been freshly oiled. He yawns while walking over to one of the chairs, then sits down and turns his head to glance out the window.

Enter Maid from upstage. She is carrying a tray laden with breakfast foods, with a pitcher of milk in her other hand.

Maid: Good morning, sir. (Places plate down.)

Travis smiles his thanks and picks up his fork.

Maid: Well aren’t you going to ask about the missus?

Travis: (Puts down fork with sigh) How is she, Abie?

Maid: She’s up already, sir.

Travis: Ah. (Looks down at meal in obvious discomfort) Is she in?

Maid: Right now she is, sir, yes sir. In her bedroom. Shall I tell her to expect you?

Travis: Can it be helped?

Maid: Not if you’re going to be eating another meal today, sir. Cook’s packed everything up and has left. He said he couldn’t take any more of it. And I may be following him soon, sir, if you don’t settle her down quickly.

Travis: All because of that blasted smile. But what was I to do when confronted like that? I hadn’t prepared myself to grovel and I hadn’t prepared a lie to smooth her feathers.

Maid: Sir.

Travis: You are right, Abie. I will see her after … after my morning coffee.

Travis smiles and lets out a small laugh as Maid nods and exits stage left.

Travis: (Eating while reading through his mail) Work, bills, calling cards. (Writes on one page) Sanctuary, I say. (Finishes food, turns to newspaper and flips it open with a pleasing snap.) “Man sues neighbor for gopher problem.” That must be Pharynt, he always was a little daft. Ah yes, it is Pharynt. I will have to call on him tomorrow to console him over the inevitable—

Maid enters, stage left. She looks frazzled to an extreme.

Maid: You will want your coffee now. (Leaves, upstage, returns with cup and saucer.) Now don’t wait for it to cool down, sir. (Sets it down in front of him, hovers)

Travis: (Throws down paper) Oh, that Monday had not happened!

Maid: Not to mention all those days before, of course. (Travis looks confused, then his face registers understanding) Drink up, sir. Can’t let it get cold, lots to do today.

Travis: (Shoos her off a little, blows on coffee, takes a sip and grimaces.) I see you made this yourself, Abie.

Maid: Just like my papa taught me, sir. Have you finished, sir? Let me take that, then, and you know where the missus’ bedroom is. (Moves upstage, turns toward Travis one last time.) I’d skip knocking and then duck when you enter, sir. You know her aim is sharp. (Maid exits, upstage)

Travis looks at watch, looks out window, sighs, starts to pace the room.

Travis: That blasted smile. (Pulls some liquor out of his suit coat pocket, takes a swig, exits stage left.

END SCENE.



Scene II

Scene: Gloria’s bedroom. Clothes are strewn about the floor and bed, and two suitcases open on the bed. A vanity off to one side has various beauty products and mementos scattered on it. A framed portrait of Gloria and Travis hangs at the head of the bed with its glass cracked.

Travis: Honey?

Gloria shoots him a look of scorn. She has been crying.

Travis: Oh, my wife, mother of my children and caretaker of my home! What have I done?

Travis rushes toward Gloria, who slaps him across the face and fights to get away from him.

Gloria: Get away from me, you … you … you stranger!

Travis: (Begins to cry) Wife—

Gloria: Exactly! WIFE. But no more. I am taking our children and we are leaving. Today. I just need to finish packing our bags and we will be gone so that you may go on as the adulterer you are without corrupting what is most innocent and precious!
Travis: Have pity on me, Gloria! I have done what is most detestable to you; if you but tell me what must be done so that I may regain your love and be the husband you most deserve, I will do it! Tell me what must be done, be my judge, bestow justice and mercy as you will. I stand ready to do all to gain worthiness. (Gloria looks like she may soften) I never should have smiled when you confronted—

Gloria: (Face hardens abruptly and she turns away) You will be late for work. Go.

Travis: But my wife—

Gloria: Is leaving you. Good day, sir. I hope we shall continue to be the perfect strangers I have discovered that we indeed are, even after 10 years of marriage. And I hope we are greater strangers in all time to come.

Maid enters.

Maid: Missus, Lucy demands she wear her pink dress today.

Gloria: Tell her not to argue.

Maid: I tried to tell her to wear the yellow, but she won’t even—

Gloria: (Sighs) I will go to talk with her. (Gives Travis cold stare)

Travis, Maid exit. Gloria allows herself to crumple to the bed, sobbing.

END SCENE.

What's Elizabeth Reading? ...S.L. Farrell

S.L. Farrell's A Magic of Twilight is all about comparisons. Every character, every group, every place, every weapon, has a partner.

One obvious moment in the story where this happened was when Guy In Charge replaces Head Underling, a scene that happened twice, with different characters each time. Both underlings were replaced for not performing well - Underling 1 failed to notify Guy 1 of magic being performed when it shouldn't have been, and Underling 2 did not follow orders with exactness. Guy 1 looks at random underling who happens to be nearby, promotes him on the spot, and throws previous head underling in jail. Guy 2 also looks at random underling and gives him an immediate promotion, but then he orders previous head underling executed. Direct parallel, and guess who our bad guy is. Oh, and both Guy 1 and 2 used the previous head underling as an example, making sure new Head Underling saw the consequences of being a slacker.

Foils, or characters built for the sake of illuminating particular characteristics, are handy when done well. Actually, I can't imagine them being done badly, unless they were too similar. Lesson: use them in your fiction. Other parallels you may not have noticed before but are probably more familiar with:
Harry Potter: orphan who discovers he is magical, searches for family
Voldemort: orphan who discovers he is magical, searches for power
Eponine: Raised by parents who are cons, shuns their ethics, falls in love with Marius, dies
Cosette: Raised by foster parents who are cons, shuns their ethics and starts new life, falls in love with Marius, marries him
Megamind: Alien with supernatural abilities, raised on Earth, tries to reach potential and realizes it isn't all that great, changes his life
Metro Man: Alien with supernatural abilities, raised on Earth, tries to reach potential and realizes it isn't all that great, changes his life
In case you didn't follow that, the first example is from the Harry Potter series, the second is from Les Mis and the third is from Megamind.

Sometimes authors use the opposite of parallels - I'd call them perpendiculars, but that sounds weird - to much the same effect: It still gives something to compare the character with and measure growth. Also, using parallels and perpendiculars is an easy way to build multiple character arcs that fit well together. A famous perpendicular (I've resigned myself to using the term for now):
Cinderella: Has a terrible stepmother who makes her work like a slave, has to go to ball undercover, has a sweet personality, marries prince
Stepsisters: Mother still alive who treats them well, get to flounce off to ball in grand style, have terrible personalities, then end up with their feelings and pride hurt (or live with their feet all carved up, your choice of ending).

Back to Farrell's book. If you want to study parallels, this is a good one to look at. Be aware that it has a sharp, and I mean sharp, learning curve that may make you want to put the book down. It is a fantasy novel set in another world, and the author has chosen to rename nearly everything. The king isn't a king, he's a kraljiki; mothers aren't mothers, they are matarhs; a guard is a garda; and it goes on and on. Many of the new words have roots in real languages (the castle is the palais, for example), so that may give you a leg up.

Something else I wanted to talk about a bit was the commander of the "good guys." Neither side is all that good or bad. Either way, we are introduced to this character when he tortures someone and we watch him splat someone's hand with a brass hammer of sorts. It was shudder-worthy. Sergei is also dehumanized slightly by his lack of a regular nose; his is a metal one that is silver. With that setup, I was all ready to hate the character. By the end of the book, though, I was looking for ways to defend him. How did the author manage that? I have never seen that done before without the character themselves changing or without being won over by charm and wit. Sergei is not at all a rogue. He reminds me more of Inspector Javere, to bring up Les Mis again. I think we come to excuse Sergei for two reasons: we never watch him torture someone again, though we know he does it, and we come to understand his version of patriotism. My husband says he is in the extreme order quadrant of evil, but I don't think it can to easily be simplified. Keep an eye on Sergei if you read A Magic of Twilight, and keep this in mind when you are building your own casts of characters. Could someone be excusably evil?

This is a book with an innovative magic system, which I always appreciate, and good characters. The possibly unnecessarily thorough world-building (I haven't decided whether it was justified or not, because it does make it feel like a different culture even though it is all familiar) could be a deal-breaker for some, but other than that, I'd recommend it.

What's Elizabeth Reading? ...Muriel Barbery

Muriel Barbery's The Elegance of the Hedgehog. I have had it on my to-read list ever since I watched the movie. Thankfully, that was at least a couple years ago and I had only hazy memories of the storyline. That meant I was able to rediscover the story while I read.

My conclusion: This is Barbery's masterpiece.

My other conclusion: Don't read this book unless you have had a friend or loved one die. It won't hit you nearly as hard, because you won't be able to understand it as much. I have a feeling, also, that this would make a good book for someone who is in mourning. Just a suspicion, so if you try it out, please let me know whether I'm right.

I call this Barbery's masterpiece, without having read any of her other works, because of the topics it addresses: art, beauty, a reason to go on living, death. I even find myself wondering if Barbery has depression or has been suicidal before, and if it isn't her, then she must know people well who have been through that. It seems like the book is trying to answer the question, "Why is this life worth it?"

It doesn't answer the question with family, religion, or a legacy. The answer it gives, ultimately, has many layers and is too complicated to explain in a blog post. I will do my best to explain one of the answers.

A camellia.

Life is worth it because of camellias. There is a youth in the book (spoiler alert to a subplot) who is so far gone on drugs that he is emaciated and not all there, ever. One of the main characters, Renee, is standing in her home when she sees this youth staring at her camellias for an irregularly long length of time. Eventually, he asks her what they are called. She tells him and he nods to himself, then leaves. We don't get much more about this until the end of the book, when we see the youth again. He's turned his life around, and it's because whenever he would be in the darkest abyss, he would remember about camellias. Their pure beauty, it would seem, gave him something to hold onto to pull himself out.

The book highlights the small moments we may miss if we aren't looking closely enough, and maybe my generation misses them altogether a lot of the time. It's those moments where the rain just finished falling and the sun comes out to set the world aglow. It's those moments where you wake up next to the person you love and realize that love over again. It's those moments where you are walking down the sidewalk and smell a barbecue. It's those moments where everything seems right and beautiful. They are small, but they are there, and they are what we must look for if we are to realize the beauty of life itself. That is a lesson taught in this book.

This girl on the left is Paloma.

And this is Renee with her cat, Leo.

I'd like to give a shoutout to the translator, too, for absolute brilliance. Her name is Alison Anderson. I almost thought Barbery had translated it herself, everything was so spot on. I wasn't comparing the two texts, but it felt right in English, as if it hadn't been translated at all. The one thing I think is missing can't be made up for: the difference between the French vous and tu, which both translate to the English "you." Vous is used in formal settings, when you are showing respect or professionalism or just don't know the other person well. It is also the plural. Tu is used with your friends and loved ones, those you are familiar with. I have a sneaking suspicion that the lack of an English equivalent to these meant an entire dimension of the story was dropped. Class status is a theme in the book.

The translator did justice to the work, however, and it is well-written and put together. While I am talking about the writing, be aware that there are large doses of philosophy that are hard to digest at the speed one usually digests fiction. Also, look for the back-and-forth between the two viewpoint characters, which is entirely accidental since their stories don't intersect much until a good portion of the story is done. For instance, there is a Renee segment that ends with a discussion of tea-drinking, and the next section, by Paloma, starts out by discussing coffee-drinking and how she prefers tea.

I want to keep talking about it, because it was such a beautiful book, but I don't want to spoil anything! So go read it and comment to let me know what you thought.

Headline Troubles?

I recently wrote a 2C Blog post for the newspaper I work for. It doesn't actually get posted on a blog, so I have no idea why it's called that, but "2C" comes from Canyon County, our coverage area. The reporters and some editors at the paper rotate who writes the 2C Blog post each week, and they write about whatever they feel like. Usually that means they complain about something they see happening among our readers or they tell the story behind an article. Me, I like to talk a bit about my life. The point is so our readers will get to know the people working at the paper.

Back to my latest 2C post. You can read it here.

Please excuse the headline.

I so didn't want it called "Blame renewed interest in gold prospecting on the sluice box." When I first read that, it went in one ear and out the other. I had to reread slowly to understand what the person who wrote it was trying to say. The headline I had asked for was "I blame it on the sluice box," which is shorter and easier to understand, plus a bit fun considering how I end the article. Also, I do explain what a sluice box is in the article, so the only mildly confusing bit (which wasn't fixed in the new-and-not-improved headline, may I add) was taken care of.

Rant over. I'm going to write a real blog post to give headline and title advice, partially to vent and partially because some people do have troubles with it.

Option 1: Informational

You have multiple options for the type of headline or title you pick. First, as a friend of mine recently reminded me while searching for a title for her book, is that the title tell the reader something about what they are about to read. It needs to be informational. Examples from published books: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. The Three Musketeers. Memoirs of a Geisha. Little House on the Prairie.

They don't give away the entire plot, but they give you an idea of what their subject material is. Harry Potter's story is going to involve a mythical stone said to bring immortal youth. There are three people working as musketeers. Someone is a geisha and is going to talk about it. There is a little house in the prairie, which means it's a rural story of some sort.

If you don't want to go informational, go for intriguing. You need to hook a potential consumer's interest somehow, and if you want to hint at your concept instead of your plot, this is a good option. Examples from ... movies this time. Why not. Inception. The Imitation Game. Lucy. Citizenfour. (I honestly don't know what those last two are about).

Option 2: Intriguing

Again, this format usually hints at the concept used to form the central conflict. We get a definition for "inception" early on in that movie, making it make perfect sense (and turning the title into an informational one). As for Imitation Game, (spoiler alert) we find out that there is a bunch of imitation going on: main guy is imitating a straight people, main woman is imitating the men in her life, and they break a coded message by imitating what they already know about the code and expanding that knowledge. The other two, as I said, I have no idea. I'd have to watch to find out, which is the point.

When you want to write a headline for a newspaper, you have to go informative. But you can also go for fun or funny. Today is Idaho Gives day, and I suggested at a staff meeting that we use the hammer (half headline, the big words that jump at you on the front page) "Idaho gave." The reason for the suggestion is the twist on words. Journalists love to do that, and the same concept can be used in blog posts, content articles, magazine articles, poetry titles and probably even longer works. Examples from newspapers, because they're easier to hunt down than blog post titles:

 

Each of these gets the information across (if someone is already familiar with the situation), making them good informational headlines without making them boring. That draws in a reader if you can't come up with an informative headline that is interesting.

Interest is, after all, the point of a title or headline. It is used to make people want to read about it, whether that means you entice them with subject matter, with curiosity or with a joke.

Sidenote: Sometimes a poem's title can be used as the first line, so the poem actually starts at the title and the first stanza is actually the second. Just mentioning that in case you felt like experimenting a bit. Put that in the poetry-breaks-rules filing cabinet in your mind.