Tom--
Well, he never gets it. When I asked if he wanted to play catch last week, he thought we were going to throw a rock around instead of a baseball. I asked him once to fill up my water bottle, and he filled it, sure, but with anything he found interesting and it took forever long, then I had to dump out all the dirt and rocks and thorns and I had dirty water for the rest of the day. For a while, I thought it was because of he can't talk right, but then Gretel told me he can hear fine. Just can't talk right. Sheesh.
He's the reason for all this trouble, is what I'm trying to get at, sir. I had nothing to do with it, 'cept for it was me who broke the window.
Oh. The window by the back porch, sir. Not the front door, no way, that was all Tom.
See, he thought it'd be a laugh to, I don't know, to, ummm, to hide all your shoes around the house, sir.
Yes, sir.
I already said I don't know why! Ask him, not me!
Er, heh, that was me too, sir. See, I'd dropped my daddy's ring, his class ring, his class of 1915 class ring, sir, the one with the ruby in it to match the school's colors, sir. The other color was purple, he told me, but only sissy men--
No, sir. I think I dropped it down the heating vent or something when we were looking for places to hide your shoes. Have you seen it? Did it fly out at your face and that's why ... never mind. If you see it, you should tell me right away because my daddy said I could have it for the week as long as I didn't lend it to Tom so I've got until then to find it but you won't let me look for it in your house, which is where it is, so that means you've got to look for me or else daddy won't let me outside ever again.
Please, sir? I can't fix your window and your heater and your doorknob and all the other stuff if I am grounded, and Tom can't do anything right because he can't talk right so his parents never taught him nothin'.
No, he goes to school, sir. We sit next to each other.
Okay, sir, but you don't know what you're gettin' yourself into by asking us to work together to fix everything. Tom hasn't ever fixed a thing except a sandwich. He'll probably bring peanut butter and bread or else his lucky butter knife, which he has because his daddy won't let him have a real knife, instead of bringing a hammer or nails or a screwdriver or something.
Could you maybe look for the ring while I am gone, sir? I have to go find Tom. He could be clear to the Denny's by now.
Thank you, sir. You're a great neighbor, sir.
No, I don't know where your slippers ended up. Maybe check the bathtub.
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